mental/emotional health

If you're reading this blog you should probably have a little bit of a background on me so that you have a sense of where my comments and opinions are coming from.
In 2005 I was in a car accident where my car was rear-ended by someone doing at least 80kms/h. My car was written-off and I suffered a fairly bad whiplash injury. If there is anyone out there who would like to suggest that whiplash isn't a real injury I will gladly prove them wrong. Since the accident I have suffered from fairly chronic pain which has affected me physically, emotionally and mentally.

When I went through a stage of being unable to stop crying in my physio's office, he recommended that I go and see a professional to help me deal with my pain. So in 2006 I went to see a psychologist and it has helped a lot. I am a bit of a control freak and that made dealing with the fact that I was not in control of the accident or my pain very difficult. Chronic pain makes you tired, and a neck injury means that I can't go out and party all night with my friends, I couldn't go skiing or do a lot of other physical things that my friends would invite me to. This was upsetting. To go from a young and active 24 year old, to an old woman over night was extremely difficult to accept. My shrink helped me change my way of thinking and understand that it is ok to not always be in control and that this change in my life is not something I can ignore. This might sound obvious and simple, but for some of us (usually control-freak virgos) it's not.

My method of coping with my pain is that I choose what parts of my life I stress about or want to control. Before the accident I would stress about most things and I wanted to control everything. But I have had to stop worrying about things that I can't control, in particular some of my friends or family's issues. Therefore if I seem uncaring or nonsupporting towards my friends and their situations it is because I have to look after myself first and foremost and I often don't have the energy to deal with other peoples dramas.
I am aware that this sounds extremely bitchy, but it is unfortunately just the way things are. Often I have quite difficult weeks, especially if I'm very busy doing something every night and socialising, and by half way through the week I am exhausted, cranky and my neck is hurting more than usual. This puts my tolerance level at zero, or even less than zero, and I will try and stay away from people where possible.

Anyway - that's a little bit about me and my mental state so that you know where I'm coming from, especially if I write about certain friends who are just exhausting!